He wandered around reckless on the busy street of the city. His head was spinning and he was feeling ill. He had just been handed the biggest challenge of his career: negotiate with an insurgency in their own territory. Suddenly, thoughts of worry began to overcome him; would anyone know where he was, would anyone come to his rescue? Evening was approaching and he decided to forget the challenge which rests upon his shoulders and headed to the nearest national train station. The hustle – bustle of the monotony of everyday life was everywhere with people rushing home only to repeat their work cycle day after day after day.
He finally found a train which would be going out to the countryside but the train was about to depart. The man ran as fast as he can towards the train and just before the train doors, he managed to climb on board. As the man took his seat he sighed with relief and looked out the window to see themselves quickly departing the city. After an hour, the train arrived deep into the countryside. The man disembarked, took a deep breath of clean, unpolluted air. Just one breath was enough for the worries to flow out of him like a river. He was free of thought and free of burden.
He takes a walk and spots a nice a beach. He walks to it and can feel the ever so satisfying texture of the sand on his bare feet. As the sun was setting and the moon was rising, the glistening of the moonlight illuminated something on an island. The man scratched his head in confusion. He hadn’t see that island before so he was curious to see what was on the island. The man was looking around to find something to help him across the lake. In the corner of his eye, he sees something in the shape of a boat. He quickly shifts attention on it and it confirms it; it’s a dinghy. He pushes it into the water, gets in and starts rowing. However the further away he gets the more his enthusiasm deteriorates. He begins having doubts whether or not it’s a good idea to even continue. Perhaps it was hidden away on the island. Perhaps no one wanted it to be found. Nevertheless he continued forward.
When he arrived he was shocked to have found nothing. He could’ve swore that he saw a small, glistening box but when he arrived it’s as it vanished into thin air. He started to explore the island, with its lush, untouched trees and undisturbed plants. Then, as if they came out of nowhere, three men dressed in ragged black clothes appeared. The man was shocked, he was hyperventilating but the men calmed him down. They explained that they were spies from the insurgency and were there to ‘deal with him.’ This phrasing spooked the man who began yelling for help which promted one of the spies to cover his mouth. What they said next absolutely terrified the man.
They explained that they were not there to do what the man thought, but rather to discuss with him. The man was given the task of negotiating with their leader, and he was well aware that whatever he negotiated would change the future of his country and of the future of their insurgency. The man was suspicious to what these cloaked men wanted. Then it all became clear. They begged him to save them. They begged him not for him to persuade their leader to surrender. All of this baffled the man so naturally he asked why, after all, they were disrupting the safety of their host country. He asked them of this, and the men were shocked to how the media portrayed them. They explained how their people were being oppressed and killed by their government. Their brothers and sisters were being killed yet they were putting up the image of them being democratic and free and of these insurgents threatening their way of life. No, they were fighting for freedom. The man, overwhelmed with emotion fainted.
The moon was setting and the sun was rising, painting the dark blue sky with colours of orange, red, yellow like it was a canvas. The man woke only too see the men gone. He made his way back to the dinghy, rowed back and got on the morning train. The man was determined with his eyes opened to new ideas to make things right. He wasn’t going to be a slave to conformism anymore. It was time to make a change.
April 26, 2016 at 3:25 pm
The story fairly effectively catches the readers attention because it starts off by introducing the main character in some sort of distress. The story also centres around one man and does not stray away from him. There’s a major key dramatic moment and because of how the people in the moment speak unclearly it draws the reader in to read more. The end sends a clear message which links back into the story. Everything is also well described so a picture was able to be created.
Improved if some information about the character was put here a few there.
Strengths is the style of writing and descriptions which gives a good visual.